are you masculine enough

Are you masculine enough? Or you’re very feminine!

- Debolina Mondal

Psychotherapist & Graphologist

By now, we are all familiar with these two words- masculinity and femininity. And often times, the word ‘femininity’ sounds very similar to the word feminism, which can be very puzzling and we might be guilty of using the two words interchangeably.

And when it comes to masculinity, all we can think of, is the noble words of podcasters like Andrew Tate and Hannah Pearl Davis (also known as the female Andrew Tate). We often gets the Indianised version of it now and then on social media. However, it’s easy to agree with them. After all, men should be manly and women should be womanly. And Andrew Tate has actually inspired a lot of young boys to do better in their life, like Enys. Enys is a 19 years old boy, who learnt how to be discipline and earn money for a better life by just consuming Tate’s contents and reading books written by Tate.

According to The Guardian report- Enys, who grew up in Luton, didn’t have the access to a very privileged life. Tate’s content has kept him out of jail and today he is not only a kickboxer but also coach about ‘how to be a man’ in Romania.

Hence, it’s safer to conclude that the world would be a nice place if men can be just masculine and women can be just feminine. But the world can be even a better place if women can be also masculine and men can be also feminine. You must be scratching your head with confusions by now.

 

What is masculinity & femininity. How it is tied to one’s gender identity?

To understand this, we’ve to understand the Archetype theory of Dr. Carl Gustav Jung. Archetype is the images of universal contained in the collective unconsciousness. Basically, it’s a protype of your unconscious mind. To understand this better, let’s take a little look at the levels of mind. Think of your mind, as an iceberg. The part where you think you know about yourself, is your conscious mind. And the most part of your mind, is the subconscious part which has your instincts, fears and imaginations. Often times, the subconscious part of yours tries to talk to you, when you are not conscious anymore. Like in your sleep, through your dreams. And yes, dream can be analysed and many psychotherapists and psychologists actually can do that.

Anyways, let’s get back to our archetype. So, the archetype is the prototype of our unconscious mind. We can also call it the miniature exact model of our unconscious mind. And, there is one such archetype called, persona archetype. Persona is the mask, a public face that a person presents to others. Remember, persona is not our true nature. Like remember Dolores Umbridge? Yeah, that woman in pink whom we hated more than the Lord Voldemort. We were like, we can deal with Voldemort later but, this Umbridge lady needs to be taught a lesson first. So, Dolores used to mostly wear pink and her “persona” was of a sweet and kind person who appears to be meek. But, was that her true nature? In reality, she was a power-hungry lady, who would do anything to climb the social and career ladder, even if it involved supporting the bad guy. But she maintained a meek persona, so that; nobody would know her true-self. (Look at the above iceberg picture for reference.)

So, coming back to Jung’s persona archetype; it’s of two types: anima and animus. Look at the Yin-Yang wheel. The white part is the masculinity or yang and dark part is femininity or yin.

Now, see how the yang part has a black dot. Dr. Jung called it anima, which means the feminine aspect of the male side. Similarly, look how the yin has got a white dot. Again, Dr. Jung called it animus- the masculine aspect of the feminine side.

In short- yes, a woman will be feminine but she also needs to have a little bit of masculinity to be a complete person. To be a happy and healthy person who can survive in the real world. Similarly, a man needs to have some feminine aspect to be nurturing and caring towards the relationships in life. What a person is without relationships and connections, and that needs to be tended with time to time. Otherwise, a boy will neither be able to survive as a man or as a human. And when it comes to relationships, remember we have more platonic relationships (relationship with parents, friends, siblings, extended families, co-workers, batchmates, neighbours, co-passenger etc.) over the romantic ones in our lives.

As a young girl, you must be taking care of your looks, smiling and giggling in front pf a guy you’re having crush on and acting a little weak and maybe dumbing down yourself, which is fine. But, always remember to work on yourself and be strong. That won’t make you less feminine but moreover, an attractive woman. Most of the times, men are attracted towards strong women, because let’s be real, it’s pretty tiring to always protect the Damsel in distress. Sometimes, men need to be protected too.

And if you identify as non-binary (neither identify as a girl or a boy), then, it’s fine. Just be yourself. But remember to work on both of your yin and yang equally. Because you’re not a white part with a black dot, or a dark part with a white dot. You’re a half white and half black and that’s what makes you special. So, it’s fine if your peers can’t get you right now but, remember they’re also learning about you like you’re learning about yourself.

And at the end, whatever you identify as; male, female, trans or non-binary, remember at the bottom line we all are humans who thrive better in each other’s company. So, let’s be first kind, accepting and forgiving to ourselves. So that, we can show these same kindness and acceptance to others.